Dusting off My Breadmaker

All of you have that certain small appliance sitting on your shelf collecting dust.  My shelf is pretty big, and sometimes I forgot to look in the back of the shelf to see what is there.  You know the second row of the shelf all the way in the back.   A few weeks ago, I looked back there and was reminded that I have a bread maker.  And it had quite a layer of dust on it.  So I pulled it off of the shelf, cleaned it all up, and actually found the recipe book that came with the bread maker.  I could not believe that one!  Travel Man had to replace the plug for me and then I was all set to go.

The bread maker is the easiest way to make bread known to man.  Throw your ingredients in, in the correct order of course, and voila a beautiful loaf of bread.  I had not made bread in a long, long time and everyone loved it, especially Evan.  He keeps asking me when I’ll be making more.  I made him his own personal loaf for Valentine’s Day.  He kissed the loaf of bread when I gave it to him.  Evan likes to have peanut butter sandwiches, and he told his Mom he could only eat them on the bread from Grandma now.  Too funny!

For this loaf of plain white bread the ingredients are:

• 1 c. Water                          
• 2¾ c. Bread Flour
• 2 Tbsp. Dry Milk
• 2 Tbsp. Sugar
• 1½ Tsp. Salt
• 2 Tbsp. Butter or Margarine
• 2 Tsp. Active Dry Yeast

The first thing you put in the pan is the water.  Then mix the dry ingredients, except for the yeast, in a separate bowl  and add on top of the water.  Spread the dry ingredients in the pan evenly, and make a small well in the middle of the dry ingredients for the yeast.  Measure the yeast and put it into the little well.  Cut your butter into four small pieces, and place them on top of the dry ingredients in your pan.  Put the pan into your bread maker, and turn it on.

For my bread maker it was set to basic bread with a medium color crust.  Total bake time start to finish is 3 hours and 10 minutes.  Once the bread is done you just pop it out of the pan, and cool for 15-20 minutes before eating.  Then just slice, butter and enjoy.

I have made six or seven loaves of bread in the last couple of weeks.  Travel Man and I enjoyed some audacious french toast made with this bread for breakfast.  Since we have all gotten back on our calorie counting recently I will only be making bread once a week now.  Otherwise we just eat way too much.  My next experiment with the bread maker will be to make homemade pizza dough for our wood grilled pizzas.  Updates on that in a week or so.

Happy bread baking everyone!

I Have to Give Thanks

Christmas 2011

Thanks to all of my readers for following along with my 2001 saga.  If our story touches just one family’s life and encourages them to get through another tough day it will be worth sharing the stories of how we got to where we are today.

I am forever grateful and thankful to my loving parents for their steadfast strength and support.  They were constantly at the hospital during Zach’s initial stay, and frequently spent the night with him so I could be with my other kids.  Their counsel and guidance during the most difficult period of my adult life is so appreciated.  I only hope I am able to do the same thing for my family members whenever they need help.

My brother and sister offered so many things to help us through this difficult time.  Auntie Dooney sandwiches became Zach’s favorites.  Phone calls with my sister, Laura, who lives out-of-state were invaluable.  Always a great listener, and ever so compassionate.  My brother, Jim,  would always help with anything whenever we needed him too, and whatever we asked him to do.  The love and support of my family is something I wish each and every one of you could experience.

My husband, aka “Travel Man”, came into our family picture in the middle of 2001.  He jumped into the fire with both feet, and without hesitation.  He became my rock through this entire emotional rollercoaster.  He would always brings fun and laughter to the household, looking for any and every opportunity to have some fun.  And he still continues to do that 10 years later.

And finally, I need to thank Naomi, Hilary, Bryan and Zachary.  Thank you for allowing me to share our story with the world.  It took a lot of thought for me to write about all of you, and all that we have been through together.   This group of young adults continue to amaze me each and every day with their kind and caring efforts.  Everyone should be so lucky to have a family like ours.

When I Stopped Sweating the Small Stuff – Finale

2001 was unequivocally the most emotional and challenging year for my family.  I turned 40 in April of that year, and looking back it was such a tumultuous year.  By December of that year we were preparing for the holidays,  trying to get through the emotion of the year so far, and then our life path  was thrown on a whole new curve- Again!

Hilary at 3 yrs. old

  My daughter Hilary, was 14 in 2001.  Hilary was in high school, I was working full-time, Bryan was in 7th grade, and Naomi was staying at home with Zach during the day.  On this typical weekday we were all getting ready for school and work at the same time to get out the door by 7am.  Hilary was in my bedroom heading into the shower, brushing out her hair, and them bam!  She fell to the floor and was having a full-blown grand mal, epileptic seizure.  I was able to get her on her side, and screamed for Naomi to dial 911.  I was panicked.  It seemed like Hil’s seizure lasted for 10 minutes, everything just seemed to be going in slow motion, and I thought the seizure would never end.  I remember being so worried that she would choke before the paramedics could get there.

During this whole scene Bryan is in his bedroom with Zach keeping him calm, and Naomi is on the phone with 911 while we wait for the paramedics to arrive.  Finally the firemen and paramedics arrive, and wheel the huge gurney down our hallway to get Hilary into the ambulance.  By the time she left the house in the ambulance for the hospital Hilary was awake, but not very alert.  And to this day she does not remember much about that morning, except bits and pieces of the ambulance ride to the hospital.  One other note here, Hilary had a few episodes of not feeling good, and not remembering things prior to this first seizure that we witnessed.  We’re fairly certain she had at least one other seizure while getting ready to go out somewhere and no one heard her fall in the bathroom.

Now for a little history on Hilary’s medical condition.  When Hilary was four years old she was diagnosed with petit mal epilepsy.  This type of epilepsy causes a person to loss complete awareness of their surroundings, kind of like a black out without passing out and falling to the ground.  We used to call them “fade outs”.   Hilary was medicated with depakote, and this took care of the “fade outs”.  At age nine she was backed off of the medication at my request and under the direction of her doctor, and we did not observe any additional “fade outs”.  One of my most vivid memories of this time was taking Hilary to the neurologists office for an EEG when she was four years old.  She had the curliest hair in the west, and when they put the sticky stuff in her hair to attach the electrodes I thought, “Oh no how will we ever get that mop of curls clean?”  Also, I was 8.75 months pregnant at the time with Zach.

So why would Hilary have a grand mal seizure at age 14?  The doctors could not answer that question, except to say that her brain activity is in overdrive 24/7.  Hilary was in the ER for a good part of the morning, and she was released to go home and rest.  They put her on depakote right away, and the levels of the medication in her system would be monitored every three months or so.  I was so devastated, upset, and emotional I couldn’t see straight.  I never, ever expected Hilary’s epilepsy to return.  Another one of my kids with a chronic condition, and she will now be on medication forever. 

How could all of this be happening to one family?  Why? 

My family and friends were so very supportive during this time.  They helped to give me the strength to make it from one day to the next.  I remember many phone conversations with my sister just telling me to breathe.  Quite frankly I just wanted this year to end, and get on to 2002.  I was definitely looking forward to the New Year.

Hilary had great success with the depakote and only suffered one other seizure,in July of 2003.  The second seizure did not require a hospital visit.  We knew what to do to help Hilary, and thankfully we were all at home with her when this one happened.  Knowing what we know now, Hilary believes this second seizure was triggered by the amount of intense physical activity from her volleyball training program.  She can tell now when she needs to back off a little bit when she is working out.

Hilary’s main challenges with her epilepsy have been; getting her license (she had to have the doctors ok), and trying to remain “normal” even though her livelihood now depends on a daily medication.  She has had her fair share of ups and downs emotionally staying on her meds, and going to the doctor as directed.  It has taken a long time for her and Zach to commiserate with each other on what they go through on a daily basis to stay active and healthy.  I think they didn’t want to burden each other.  But as they are now both in their 20′s they are starting to realize they have their own little support network at home.

Zach's 20th Birthday!

Finally 2001 was coming to a close.   I know for myself at the time I just needed to keep looking forward, that’s how I stayed positive.  Of course there was some reflection on what we had gone through.   But by the end of December we were all doing ok.  Zach was getting the medical attention he needed.  Hilary was on her meds, and doing fine.   Emotionally we were all still suffering, but we just took one day at a time, and I had to be the cheerleader for the kids.  They needed positives everyday, otherwise how would they learn to survive.  That is probably the single, biggest lesson that the kids learned. 

 

 

Zach & Hilly-Time to Party!

In life there are always, always obstacles thrown in your path.  How you choose to deal with those obstacles is what ultimately determines your survival.  You can choose the “poor me” route, or you can choose the “what’s the one thing I can do today” route, and forge ahead each and every day.  I, as you can probably tell, chose the latter.  I have always been a positive, upbeat person.  I would rather focus on the road that lies ahead of me, and not be looking back over my shoulder for the “what ifs”.  I’m so pleased to have finally shared the story of our 2001 Life Curves.  It is my hope and dream that our story will help other families push through any obstacles thrown in their path, and just forge on through for survival.

When I Stopped Sweating the Small Stuff-Part Three

At the beginning of Zach’s hospitalization for leukemia we had a tremendous education in what the course of treatment would be for the getting the leukemia into remission, and keeping it there.  We had several meetings with the doctors to discuss the course of treatment, and how the doctor’s would handle their communication between the endocrinologist, and the oncologist.  I distinctly remember the first discussion with the doctors around a table in this little conference room on the 4th floor of the Children’s Hospital, ward 4800.  My Dad was with me and he brought a binder full of information on diabetes and leukemia.  I really don’t remember any details of the meeting, I just remember how thankful I was to have my Dad sitting there next to me.

The course of treatment for Zach would last for three years, three years.  Wow!  We made the decision to put Zach in a clinical trial for his leukemia.  This meant that he would have extra monitoring, and would be followed after the treatments were completed.  It was my opinion that if there was any information that the doctors could gain in the course of Zach’s treatment I would want to know that we had helped another child going through the same thing.  The treatment that was chosen for Zach’s leukemia diagnosis was a “road map” that included chemotherapy via IV, tablets taken at home, and constant, constant monitoring of the blood counts.  We became experts at interpreting the blood count numbers.  And remember we are also dealing with the diabetes and insulin injections everyday too. Yikes!

Zach and his Grandma

The next item on our agenda after Zach got home from the hospital was setting up his homeschooling.  His fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Susan Thompson, graciously volunteered for the assignment.  Zach was homeschooled for the end of fourth grade and a good portion of fifth grade.  He had to be homeschooled as the risk of infection from any source was just too high.  Zach’s grandma is also a former teacher, and helped out with his studies and reading quite a bit.  Zach was allowed to go back to school in April of 2002.  He was so determined to get back in the classroom, and I realize now he just needed to have any sense of normalcy in his life.  We are forever grateful to Mrs. Thompson for taking such care and having tremendous patience during this year.

Zach’s time at home was such a rollercoaster ride.  It was a delicate balance of getting to his appointments on time, taking his meds when he was supposed to, and still trying to give him some sense of just being a kid.  It was a lot for all of us to handle, and especially for Zach.  He would have chemo and be nauseous.  He would be on steroids and have a huge appetite.  The balancing of his insulin throughout this time was closely monitored.  We called the endocrinologist a lot for help with adjusting his insulin.  I was constantly worried during this period, am I doing this correctly?  Is there anything we have missed?  The saving grace was the doctor could always be reached after hours, and during office hours you could always get a hold of a nurse, and get help.

I have to remind everyone too that Zach was not an only child.  I had three other kids to attend to, mostly emotionally.  Zach’s oldest sister Naomi was 19 going on 20 when Zach was being homeschooled.  Naomi made the decision to stop going to school to stay home and help with Zach and his weekly appointments.  She was so helpful during this time, I don’t know how we would have gotten everything done without her.  My daughter Hilary, had just turned 14 when Zach was diagnosed.  She was very busy at school with volleyball, and she was always so helpful with entertaining Zach.  Zach’s big brother Bryan was 12 when he was diagnosed.  Bryan loves baseball, and was playing Pony League ball when everything happened with Zach.  Bryan’s games gave all of us an outlet for getting away from our new routine.  It was great watching his games, and getting Zach out of the house for a bit.  And if I remember correctly his team went to the playoffs during this season.  The great thing about this bunch is they are devoted to each other for life.  They all learned how to do Zach’s insulin injections so they could help out if needed.  And they all learned how to do an emergency injection for Zach if he had an extremely low blood sugar, and was not coherent.  Not the kind of things you expect to have to teach to your teenagers.  They are a caring, and compassionate bunch, and would do whatever they had to do to help their baby brother, and each other.

July of 2001 brought a trip to Ronald McDonald Camp for Zach.  The camp is up in the hills in Idyllwild here in Southern California.  It was such a great week for Zach.  He just got to go up there and be a kid.  They have doctors and nurses on Staff to help the kids through the week.  They put on a wonderful program.  Zach was able to go to camp twice during his treatments, and it was a great outlet for him.

The remainder of 2001 we were all focused on getting  Zach through his treatments, and helping each other get through the days and weeks with a smile on our faces.  I remember asking Zach how he was doing one day in the fall, and his reply to me was, “I’m doing ok Mom.  I just have to keep my attitude positive, because that’s all I can do.”  Such a grown-up 10-year-old, wise beyond his years.

As we embarked upon Thanksgiving and Christmas in 2001, the emotions of the year were taking their toll on the kids.  Their dad had left us in February, Zach was diagnosed with leukemia in April, and now it would be their first Christmas as kids of divorce. Little did we know that life would throw us another curve before we even got to Christmas Day.  

 

When I Stopped Sweating the Small Stuff – Part Two

Continuing our life story, is like a very necessary counseling session for me.  It has taken a lot of careful thought and discussions with my husband and kids to get to the point where I can share our story with you all so openly.  I have always felt I should write this story for a Family Circle or Woman’s Day article.  But since I have the medium of my own blog I am so pleased to be able to share it with you here.

Our family’s next life curve was so unexpected, that words alone cannot begin to describe the heart sinking news we received about Zach.  2001 was a devastating year for our country with the tragedy that occurred on September 11th.  However, prior to 9/11 our family suffered its own tragedy.

July 2001-Off to Ronald McDonald Camp

Zach was 9 years old in 2001, and would turn 10 in July.  By this time he was handling his diabetes, and were constantly working on counting carbs correctly, and making sure that he tested as many times as he should be each day.  Zach was in the fourth grade, and was playing NJB basketball with his friends.  In the January-February timeframe of 2001 Zach kept getting the flu, and was having a hard time getting back on his feet from it.  Then he had this weird allergy that was causing his eyes to swell shut, and he had to wear sunglasses all of the time to stay comfortable.  If I remember correctly he was treated for the “eye allergies” twice.  One Sunday, in April,  the kids and I went out for breakfast, not something we did very often, as I was a single parent at this time.  Zach’s sister, Hilary, noticed that his hands looked somewhat yellow, kind of like a jaundice.  Then after we got home Zach was laying on the floor watching tv and I noticed his feet looked the same way.

On this particular Sunday, I took Zach to urgent care, as I was concerned because of the flu, the allergies, and now his feet and hands just looked yellow.  Something was not right, and with his diabetes my gut was telling me get this checked out, pronto.  We had a blood test done, and the results would not be back until the next day, so we went home to wait.  There was no diagnosis, or suspicion of any diagnosis offered.

The next day at work I received a phone call from the nurse at the doctor’s office.  Zach’s results were back and the doctor wanted Zach to go to Loma Linda Children’s Hospital right away.   The results from the blood test showed that Zach’s white blood count (WBC) was extremely elevated, and they could do additional testing at Loma Linda right away to find out was going on in my little 9 year old’s body.  This was our second emergency room visit to Loma Linda.  The first visit there was when Zach was diagnosed with diabetes.

After additional testing, and what seemed like an eternity of a wait the doctor came into Zach’s room, in the emergency room.  He started to say to me with Zach and his Dad in the room, “We suspect your son may have Can…..”.  I cut the doctor off and said we needed to step outside.  I knew what was coming.  Zachary had cancer.  The Big C had infiltrated my family, and my baby boy was diagnosed with ALL (acute lymphoblastic leukemia).  

I remember letting out a bit of a yelp, and then I told the doctor that I needed a phone.  I had to call my parents.  My memory is a little sketchy here, but I remember a chaplain in the ER helping me find a private phone to call my parents.  I’m sure all I did when my Mom answered the phone was cry.  Zach’s dad and I broke the news to him, and we were all so frightened, and bewildered, and shocked.  I remember Zach crying and comforting him, and then things are just a blur.  He was admitted to the hospital, of course, and our education on the treatment for ALL would begin in earnest.

In the following days after Zach was admitted to the hospital so many things were going on.  What are Zach’s chances for survival?  What will the treatments involve?  How quickly can we get the doctor “on duty” reassigned to be Zach’s primary oncologist?  You see the doctor assigned to Zach’s case in the ER, how shall I say this politely, she just didn’t work out.  Who would spend the night in the hospital with Zach?  Who could be at home with the kids?  So many issues and decisions to be made at once, how could we possibly get through all of this. 

We got through the first few hectic weeks of Zach’s diagnosis one hour at a time, one day and a time, and ultimately one week at a time.  When you are in crisis mode, as we were, you can only focus on what’s right in front of you.  With the help, care and compassion from my amazing family we muddle through those first few weeks while Zach was hospitalized.  And I have to say the best day of 2001 was Mother’s Day.  Zach came home for Mother’s Day after almost three weeks in the hospital.  I couldn’t have been happier.

So now at not quite ten years old my son had a primary care doctor, a pediatric endocrinologist, and a pediatric oncologist.  Never in my wildest dreams about having a family and raising kids, did I ever imagine that any of my kids would have to endure what Zach was about to go through.

About My Valentine…

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.  Wishing all of you a day surrounded with love, caring, and chocolate of course!

My valentine and I had our Valentine’s Day dinner last Friday night after a day of touring The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley.   It was great to take a little mini-vacation, and get away for a day.

My wonderful husband (aka “Travel Man”, “Papa”, “Tom Dad”) had to leave on a business trip this morning.  He’s on the road frequently trudging through airports, driving in unfamiliar cities, sleeping in hotels night after night, eating dinner out every night, and getting his work assignments completed so he can get back home.  He works very hard and puts in long hours that give me the freedom to  do what I want to be doing at home (aka “Domestic Goddess status”).

Travel Man and I will be celebrating our tenth anniversary this year in August.  (Already!  I can’t believe it!)  He proposed to me in Las Vegas, and we also got married in Las Vegas at the Circus Circus chapel.  A fun wedding and great memories. 

I look forward to celebrating tons and tons of Valentine’s Days’ together with my hubby.  He is my favorite comedian (he always makes me laugh), my Rock of Gibraltar, and the keeper of our castle.  I hope each and every one of you has a valentine this special in your life.

                                              

                                                    

When I Stopped Sweating the Small Stuff

There are moments in all of our lives when we realize, maybe not in the moment, but at some point surrounding a moment, we realize that our life path has taken a drastic turn.  My family had it’s fair share of those moments.  It has taken alot of thought and contemplation for me to tell you my family’s story of our challenges over the years.  I never wanted to be a part of a pity party, or have people say, “poor thing”. 

I feel compelled to tell you our story because it’s unique to us, and we overcame all of the obstacles thrown in our path and are much stronger today because we learned to adapt and move on.  I see this life story as a two or three parter.  The blog post would just become much too long if I told you our story in one single post.  And by the way these stories do have the consent of my kids.  We talked about this at length before I knew I could go ahead and share what we have conquered.  So here we go…………………………..

My husband, Tom, and I have 5 kids together.  Four of mine from a previous marriage; two girls and two boys, and Tom’s son.  Three of the kids still live at home and are working full-time, and going to school.  All very responsible young adults, and all in the process of finding their life paths.  This part of our story is about our youngest son, Zachary.   Zach will be turning 21 this year, and we will be celebrating his footsteps into adulthood.  We are ever so thankful that this celebration is coming, it will truly be a milestone for Zach.

Zach at age 6.

Zachary has diabetes, Type I, you may know this as “juvenile diabetes”.  He was diagnosed with diabetes at age 6-1/2 in December of 1997, in the middle of his first grade year.  He is totally insulin dependent, and relies on a pump system, The Omnipod, to deliver the insulin into his blood stream.  There are so many stories I can share surrounding Zach’s diagnosis, and his integration back into his classroom in school.  For the moment I just want to say that I am ever so thankful for the staff and adminstrators at his elementary school at that time.  They were amazing partners with me in helping Zach to gain the confidence to learn to take care of his diabetic needs at school.  I am forever grateful for their patience and understanding.

Zach’s diagnosis was an indescribable life path curve.  Of course the majority of the change affected Zach, but it also caused changes for the rest of the family.  We incorporated some eating changes, mostly for the healthier.  We had to learn how to help Zach take care of himself.  Everyone learned how to do an injection, and how to treat a low blood sugar.  We all had to be aware.  The main thing I remember about this time in our family’s life path is the emotion of it all.  It was such an exasperating time for a six year old to take shots four times a day, and deal with testing his blood sugar.  How could we help him get through his daily medical needs, and still learn to have fun and just be a six year old boy?  There were many upsetting days an nights for us all, and most especially for Zach.  He was angry about his diabetes for such a long time, and resisted learning how to take good care of himself.  I just remember being so incredibly thankful that we had the medications and tools available to us to be good caretakers, and in turn teach Zach to do the same for himself.

Zach’s diabetes diagnosis was my first lesson as a parent in learning to stop sweating the small stuff.  I was much less irritated when things weren’t perfect around the house, ie. cleaned up and picked up all of the time.  I became much more focused on the importance of patience, listening, and showing compassion to all of the kids.  We were all in this together, and we were going to get through it together.  Little did we know where the next curve in our lives would take us.  That’s a story for next time though, so stay tuned.